For reasons you can't explain (others have theories), you're still single. You're not lonely per se. You have your seven cats and your two canaries, but you'd like to share a cup of herbal tea with someone besides your sister, who you live with.
You'd like the comfort of a man, not in the biblical sense of course, as the very idea of intimacy makes you positively nauseous. It would just be nice to have someone else around to hold your yarn while you knit sweaters for the cats.
You're not asking for much, just someone who could fetch you a tissue when you get nose bleeds in the middle of the night. Someone who could rub icy hot on your toe nail fungus, and hold Mittens for you when your sizing her for the booties you're knitting. And if nothing else, someone to put their arm under your head, comfort you, and maybe loosen the straps on your sleep apnea mask when it gets too hot. You're why they invented the Boyfriend Pillow.
Seven Other Reasons You Need The Boyfriend Pillow
- You have an armpit fetish and the blow up doll market just isn't catering to your specific demographic.
- Sometimes you need to slip out the door after a one night stand, and you don't want to chew your arm off like a coyote in a trap. Instead, you can slip the pillow under his/her head, withdraw your arm, and sneak out unnoticed.
- You need to buy a gift for the clingy, emotionally needy, pathetic loser in your life.
- Because you lost your artificial arm in a bowling accident and need a cheap replacement.
- To practice your handshake.
- So you can also tuck the hand in your back pocket and walk around the mall like that happy couple that works at Cinnabon.
- Because of your phobia of any human contact, it's not going to be you who puts an arm around your kids to console them.
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