You Want a Pony

 Be honest. You want a pony. Ever since you were little you wanted one. You begged and pleaded, but your mom always said no. Perhaps it was because your family had no yard, a shortage of money, or maybe it came down to a lack of love.

Now that you're grown, you still want that pony. You went out and bought one, but your roommates complained about the smell in the apartment and how Pixie the Wonder Horse took up all the space on the couch. She also had a habit of eating pizza right off the counter and biting children. Pixie had to go, but your desire for a pony never waned. Here's your chance.

"Horsey" is a simple kit that allows anyone to turn their bike into a pony. You'll be galloping around the neighborhood in no time, and no, you won't let anyone ride it. (related article).

Hops Holster 12-Can Ammo Pack

Damn, it is hard to stay hydrated when you're out in the woods plugging wildlife with the firearm of your choosing. Canteens just don't cut it and that plastic Nalgene bottle contains toxins.  You have your health to worry about.

Plus, lugging that 12-pack around with you just doesn't allow you to keep your finger on the trigger in case Bambi springs forth into the cross hairs. Still, you want to give that buck a fighting chance, so to even the playing field you prefer seeing double.

That's why they make the Hops Holster 12-Can Ammo Pack. There are 12 insulated holsters and each one holds a single 12-ounce can. The camoflage allows you to blend in with the natural surroundings, and you still get to store plenty of cans of Schmidts to ward off thirst. It's a lovely gift for the drunken hunter, enthusiastic tailgater, or long-haul truck driver. You should buy this.

Wiccan Witch Sells Booty Enhancement Spells on eBay

Try as you might, that ass ain't getting any bigger. Despite your longing to be bootylicious, your trunk remains devoid of junk. You've done numerous hours on the stair master, and eaten countless pints of Ben & Jerry's, and still, that ass remains flat as a pancake.

Luckily, there's a Wiccan witch offering a special booty enhancement spell on eBay.

Amelia, the Wiccan Witch of the eBay, typically casts the spells herself, although sometimes she enlists the help of her coven. She's been casting spells and enlarging posteriors for 20+ years. She says they "are strong and very effective." Since the spells are done at the alter she has, and the booty boost travels to you by magic, there is no shipping and handling fee. Your rounder rump should arrive within 24-48 hours.

The End of History

There's really only two valid complaints about beer: 
1) There's not enough alcohol in a beer. 
2)  Beer doesn't come in a dead animal.

Thankfully, Scotland's BrewDog has created a beer containing 55% alcohol that comes in a furry critter that has bid this world goodbye. It's called The End of History and you get your choice of your bottle encased in either a stuffed squirrel, hare or stoat.

The price is definitely not right - $765 - but unless you're a home brewer/taxidermist, chances are you'd spend just as much trying to create this yourself. And what a bloody mess that would be.

There's no longer any trace of this product on Brew Dog's website so the animal rights people may have already gotten this shut this down. If so, we must return to a very disappointing world where beer is still low on and alcohol and only comes in crappy bottles and cans.