Peekaru

 What do you buy the mother on your list who has everything except dignity, self-respect, and a clue? Get her the Peekaru. Made from " 85% recycled high quality Polartec fleece," this hideous baby accessory is a fleece vest that zips over a soft baby carrier to keep mother and child warm. It fits comfortably over all carriers, including Baby Bjorns, Hotslings, Ergos, Mei Tais, and Wraps.

Oblivious mothers will love this disturbing present, and you'll get some cheap laughs at her expense. It makes the perfect gift for that baby shower you've been dreading. And if you're a man looking for justifiable grounds for divorce and want full custody of your child, a photo of this will sway any judge in your favor.

On the other hand, people that pass by her will think...

• The crowning baby head must be emerging from a second vagina located in her sternum.
• She's been infected by an alien and the alien baby is emerging from her body.
• So that's how you raise your child to become a Juggalo.
• Maybe there is a valid excuse from a man to abandon his wife and child.
• Wow! I guess that's what happens to those plastic soda bottles I put in the recycling bin. I'm going to stop recycling.